The decision I never thought I’d make #neveragain #armedforgreatness #followme
I came home last night feeling a little bit angry at myself. I decided to quit drinking alcohol some time ago. Actually, I was kind of forced into quitting. My body just started to reject alcohol one day. I was expecting it since I had come to realize that I couldn’t do the things I set out to do while feeling the effects of alcohol.
Having a stressful job sometimes got the best of me. I got into the habit of walking into the front door every night and before even starting dinner, I’d drink my first glass of wine. It was such a relief swallowing that first sip. I felt instantly relaxed and my mind emptied itself of any negative thoughts. The taste on my lips was exquisite and made my mouth water and I wanted more. As I finished making dinner and sat down to eat, I’d put the bottle of wine on the table and I’d fill up my glass while I ate.
My husband and I enjoyed our dinner while chatting about our day. It was such a relief to unwind with a glass of wine or two and my kids were so used to seeing us drink that they made sure our glasses were filled back up for us during dinner. Sometimes, I’d cling my empty glass on the table laughing so my son or daughter would know when it was time to fill it back up. We all laughed about it, and we still do.
When it was time to clear the dishes, with only a quarter of the bottle left, I’d fill up my glass to finish it off and I’d sit my ass on the couch to watch tv. And I stayed there until it was time for bed.
As I fell asleep every night, I would consistently do two things. First, I would thank the universe for everything I had and have in my life. And Second I would ask Archangel Gabriel to cut the ties to my wanting or needing alcohol when I got home from work. I did this because I felt lazy and I couldn’t believe how tired I was all the time. I knew that it was the alcohol keeping me from my dreams. Furthermore, having developed my skills and intuition during the course of my life, my Angel Tarot card readings repeatedly provided me with the card of addiction. It said that if I wanted to quit an addiction, whether alcohol, drugs or anything else, I just had to ask Archangel Gabriel to cut the ties to that addiction.
As I read the same message over the course of two months, I started to ask to be cut of the ties linked to alcohol. At first it didn’t work. I kept enjoying my three glasses of wine every evening, but right after I made the decision to plunge into my personal development program, my whole body reacted in fear and my body started to reject alcohol. And what I mean by that is that I became ill whenever I drank. Painfully ill.
When I started to write my book, I was completely sober and my mind was focused. I was able to work on issues I had kept inside for years. The abuse, the guilt, the shame and the fears were released as I worked on forgiveness, loving myself more and identifying the things I wanted for my future.
From June 2017 to January 2018, I never had a drop of alcohol. I didn’t have the need to nor did I feel like I missed it. When I published my book, it was cause for celebration – “a little glass of wine won’t do me any harm” I thought. And slowly but surely, I have increased my alcohol intake. I hardly drink anymore but whenever I am with family or friends, the urge pops up again. Since NewYears, I have got from having a quarter of a glass to a full glass of wine. Last night, while at a family gathering, I thought I'd be smart and decided to drink two small bottles of Mott’s Clamato Caesar Mix with alcohol.
As we were driving back home later that evening, I felt sick. I wanted to throw up and I kept going back to the fact that alcohol is poison to my body. And this makes me sad in a way because I know how much fun being under the influence can be. I think of the times I had romantic dinners with my husband while sipping on a glass of wine. Or when I was nervous arriving at a social event, that first glass of beer or wine sure helps you to relax. And of course, feeling instant relief when I got home from a stressful day.
This morning after spending most of the night tossing and turning, I have come to realize that the work I have in front of me requires my full and focused attention. I have come to realize that any form of alcohol or drug simply keeps you from dealing with life, with pain, and with stress. I am an incredibly strong person and I have the power to do anything and everything I want. It’s what I teach everyone that crosses my path.
Today I have decided that alcohol no longer serves its purpose for me. It’s not a judgment by any means for people who enjoy having a drink once in a while. But for me, I realize that my head needs to be clear. My energy needs to be pure and my work requires that my body be strong.
So I leave you with this question my friends “are you soothing yourself with alcohol or drugs to keep you from dealing with painful or stressful issues?” – If you ever questioned yourself like I did, maybe it’s time to take a break. Maybe it’s time to deal with stuff. If I can do it, I know that you can.
Remember that you are cherished, you are loved and you are powerful. The beautiful pink flower is from my garden. Pink is the colour of love and I offer it to you.
All my love,